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Wow, I haven’t updated for a whole week. Anyone would think that I didn’t have anything interesting to say. Hmm.

 

I’ve been a bit fed up over the past week really and I’ve been thinking about a lot of stuff. I went to theatre on Tuesday and Wednesday and I was just bored. I’ve still not got anything to do although I think Danielle realised that and asked Phil the director if I was doing lights and sound. The consensus was yes I was, although I still wasn’t given although to do. So I didn’t bother with the Friday rehearsal, hoping they’ll get the hint that I’m not so bothered and I need something to do. Mind you, I’m only available for one rehearsal next week on account of me going back to Crewe for a few days this week. I thought this country was begging for volunteers, apparently we’re not needed. I’d look for something else if there was anything and I didn’t genuinely think that this is something I could really get into.

 

The whole thing just makes me feel like I’m destined to have nothing to do my entire life. It was like this at the library, it’s like that where I work now and it’s like that at the theatre. What is it about me that wherever I go I *never* get to utilise my skills. I’m seriously considering going back to studying actually, for a librarianship and trying to get back into that. It’ll have to be next September now by which time I’ll be 24 (which seems a hell of a long time away considering I’m only 22 now) and I did always say that there was no rush, that with my year’s experience I could go back anytime. I really liked the work at the library, and I was really good at it too. I remember Liz saying that, because I’m male I’d shot straight up the ladder so the whole thing seems like a good idea. I’d have to do it part-time due to me needed money but that’d be ok because I’d hate to study full-time again. I guess it’s just something to think about. I’m at a loss as to what else to do. I certainly don’t want to stay where I am right now. For all my complaining about work though, I did have a good day on Friday. Me, Sarah and Eleanor were a bit bored so we ended up playing online Deal or No Deal which was a laugh.

 

This whole kind of thinking wasn’t helped by the fact that James was away with work with for a few days last week. It was weird having the house to myself for the first time since we moved and I did enjoy it really. I mostly spent the time dancing about to music. Current favourite is the Human League, mmm, so darn good. However, it was pretty lonely and I really found myself itching for some kind of social interaction. So the constant friends issue still stands. It really didn’t help that I was putting old photos on to Facebook and, weirdly, everything single one of my uni friends is on there and so I keep seeing old uni photos of us and it was making me really miss them all. I had a quick browse online for people around here but the usual jaunts harbour so many people with hideous spelling dysfunctions that I just can’t help but feel that there’s no-one I want to know.

 

God I go on a bit. It’s not been all bad though. I’m currently rediscovering the joys of Amiga emulators and what started off as an urge to play Monkey Island again actually caused me discover other such gems such as Flight of the Amazon Queen and Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis (the former’s now freeware, hooray!), which are very similar in design to the legendary Monkey Island. How appropriate, you fight like a cow. They don’t make point and click adventures like that anymore do they? There’s clearly a market for them on the DS! It’d be quite fun to work in the computer games industry, I could spend my whole time playtesting DS games! Hoorah! Mind you, it’d also be good to work in palaeontology or in a zoo but both those dreams have been shot down too. Nevertheless, Theme Park DS should be arriving today so that’ll keep me entertained for a good while :D

 

Yesterday me and James left the house, having done not a lot all weekend at all (which meant we got to finish the good bits of Comic Relief - Tony Blair and Catherine Tate were just bizarre!) We just went through Skipton woods then up and round over the top of them to the edge of Skipton. It was very nice and took about an hour in total so did us good really. Good thing it was downhill all the way on the way back though! We saw a fair few ducks too which always makes me happy. You know what it's nearly time for though don't you? Ducklings?! I can't wait now I have ducks on my doorstep :D And I have to say how nice it now the clocks have gone forward. I always feel so much better when the nights are lighter. I also feel quite because various Easter/my holidays it means that I’m not working a full five day week for a good while! Hooray! See, it really isn’t all bad :D      

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Well I can’t say that the past few days have been that eventful really. Me and James spent our final days of the long weekend back at home chilling out. Although we did do some nice stuff like feeding the ducks and swans and buying sandwiches from a really tasty deli. It’s so good to have nice things so close to home. I can go and feed the ducks anytime I like because they’re literally round the corner from my house and there are so many nice places to eat too. Other than that I continued to play on Rollercoaster Tycoon, read, listened to music at not much else. We did watch a Russell Brand stand-up DVD. I did want to see if he was any good after warming to him lately and he was good, not great but good. Not all of his stuff is that funny but I do like it when he gets the ol’ Sun newspaper out.

 

Hmm, what else? I think I’ve just been catching up on TV stuff :s One thing that has amused me lately is mine and James’ bedtime conversations. Last night we were telling each other lame jokes. Stupid stuff like that is a good way to fall asleep I think.

 

One thing that does keep occurring is jobs. James has had it with his job really and was looking for another one last night. Whereas I’m just not very interested in mine. Bits of it I like. Weirdly I like organising meetings, getting papers together and minuting them because it’s all my doing. They’re *my* meetings :D But there’s a lot of monotony. An example being that Sarah’s just gone to a meeting armed with 13 sets of minutes that either me or her have written within the past month, for the group’s consideration. 

Another thing is that it doesn't matter who does my job. There's nothing unique that I can bring to it. At least at the library my customer skills and relations with the staff were down to me and my personality. Here I hardly get the chance, nor really care about getting to know the staff. Admittedly I don't help myself. I do just sit and read when I'm in the staff room, but few people seem to hang around there for long anyway. 

I wouldn’t mind so much if I wasn’t so lonely. I *like* having to consult with people about papers and agendas and stuff but that doesn’t happen very often face-to-face because of the 'joy' of e-mail. Who would have thought that when I left the library that I’d miss the contact with the public? Considering all that I do is complain about people’s stupidity it makes no sense! The question is, what do I do about it? I haven’t got the energy to hunt for another job yet, and in a silly way I don’t want to yet, I just don’t think that I’ve been here long enough and I hope things will change. I just wish that I knew what to do career wise. I don’t have any clue whatsoever so I have nothing to aim for at all. James seems really geared up to do an Open University course which is great, but thinking about how much I hated the work at uni I don’t think I’d cope with it all very well. I have been looking into volunteering though as I badly need some local friends and Skipton’s theatre apparently want some people. I dunno if I’d be any good at acting, I think that behind the scenes stuff is more for me so I’ve applied for some more information. I dunno what else to do though. A lot of the volunteering opportunities here don’t interest me, there is *nothing* to do with animals, well animals that interest me anyway and even the library has nothing apart from stuff on weekdays. I might try the actual Volunteer centre as it’s round the corner from my house as the stuff I’ve seen is just on the internet. They’d better be open Saturday :s I just need some direction and friends, that’s all.     

 

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